As we grow older, we all change in some major ways. Physically, naturally, comes to mind first. But there comes a whole package of psychological things as well. One of them being the eradication of some of the prejudices concerning old age. Here is one of them.

Don’t we usually think that old people like to think of and talk about old times a lot? Well, many do and nothing wrong with that. But it seems that that is nearly not always the case. It seems to be almost the opposite!

You’ve seen the graph. We start horizontal, then get up as we learn to walk, stand up straight for a long time, then reach our peak height and state. Then, we start getting less strong, shorter, with arched back, till we lay down again.

Psychologically it’s the same. We say little, learn to talk, have full command of our linguistic, mental and social skills. Then start getting slower to learn, to remember, even to understand. To finally say nothing, perhaps long before it’s our time to go. And of course, saying nothing does not mean that you have nothing to say.

Where do the past, present and future figure in here? It would seem that the present and the future belong to the young and to adulthood, and the past to old age. Roughly speaking. But it’s not that simple of course.

It seems rather that it is the present that belongs to old age - at least if you have some of the challenging conditions associated with old age, such as dementia. Then you really live in the present, like a child does. Not bothering about yesterday or tomorrow, but only concerned with what’s happening right now.

It is an endearing, albeit a bit saddening, state. But sad only to the family members who might find it hard to see the change in their mom or dad  - until the acceptance.

Because that mom or dad - or another relative or friend - might be appreciating every single second, apart from short glimpses of the past that surface and muddle the picture. A visit, a postcard, a kiss on the cheek, fresh flowers on the table. These are things and moments not just to look forward to - because that would require remembering them -  but rather to fully savor when they happen.

Notice how the chapters in this piece are short? That’s about the attention span you should allow yourself for your dealings with some old folks. No need to bother them with a bunch of useless data, but just keep it personal, precise and precious. For they are precious!

And mind you, the term senior citizens in this article does not refer to people just past the retirement age. They are still pretty young compared to people of the same age a hundred years ago. No, we mean those past 80 or so, and even their age will one day be considered pretty young - if people live to be 150! Like one day we might.

No, it seems rather that Remember when belongs to the vocabulary of those a little younger. No need to go in here what damage nostalgia can do, how pleasant shared memories feel or how devastating it can be to lose the only people who could share those memories with. Remembering can be fun for a while, but it can also be a thief stealing something from the present.

And in and at the end, and when all is said and done, and all layers of status dissolve, remains the only thing that matters anyway. Love.

 

"…and now these three remain:

faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love"